Why WERQ sucks but I do it anyway

    One of my goals going into college, like nearly every other freshman, was to start exercising again. Because I’m embarrassed about my total lack of form while running, I took it as divine providence when I found out about group exercise classes at SPAC. So, I decided to start taking a weekly dance fitness class called WERQ.

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    If you’re not familiar with WERQ, basically it’s an hour of aerobic dancing to pop and hip-hop music – the best way I can think to describe it is hip-hop Zumba. But, instead of just telling you about it, I’m going to take you along with me on my weekly WERQ journey. Get ready to experience every thought that runs through my head during a typical WERQ class.

    Wednesday night, Studio 1, SPAC

    5:20 p.m.: I walk into WERQ

    Wow, I’m early. I hope I don’t see anyone I know.

    Guess I’ll look for a spot. No, not there – it’s too close to the middle, and I don’t want to be bumping into too many people as I stumble through this week’s workout.

    5:30 p.m.: Class starts

    *Looks around* Nice, there’s not as many people as last week. 20? … Wait. *Looks around again* But looks like I’m the only guy this time.

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    Instructor: There’s no right or wrong way to do WERQ.

    You just wait…

    5:31 p.m.: “Girls Like” by Tinie Tempah featuring Zara Larsson starts playing

    Oh, it’s the same song as last week. At least I’ll know the moves a bit better. Yeah, this is easy, I can totally do this.

    Well, that went from 0-100 real quick – literally. How can anyone move that fast? How do you move your legs like that? Can we try this again?

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    5:35 p.m.: Unknown music starts

    About time that song’s over. But wait, we haven’t done this one before.

    OK, I think I got this … Right leg, left arm. Left leg, right arm.

    OMG no, not left leg, left arm. And now jumping? It’s way too early into class to be jumping.

    Why are there mirrors all around the room? I don’t need to be reminded of how uncoordinated I am.

    OK, this seems fairly easy – it’s just moving side to side and moving your arms.

    Wait, how am I already sweating so much from that? This is so gross.

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    Oh hey, this is a slower song – time to catch my breath. Wait, it’s already over? That was like two minutes.

    Is this Tech N9ne? I think this is Tech N9ne. Yaaass, Kansas City.

    It’s taking so much self-control to not shout “This Kansas City!” right now.

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    5:50 p.m.: Water break

    Wait, she just took my spot. Time to go to the back, I guess. At least no one will see me stumbling around back here.

    OMG, is this “Victorious”? She said she added “Victorious” to the playlist. This better be “Victorious.”

    It is. Honestly, this song will probably be what makes me come back next week. And I love it even more because it doesn’t even have hard moves.

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    5:55 p.m.: I look at the clock for the 1,000th time

    Hey, we’re over halfway through.

    Oh wait, that clock is fast.

    6 p.m.: I look at the clock for the 1,001st time

    ~Now~ we’re over halfway through.

    Oh no, this song has jumping too. Why is there so much jumping? Oh shoot, I jumped into the person next to me’s space. I’m so awkward.

    Oh hey, a Beyonce song – that’s new.

    OMG, did the instructor really just shout “Boy, bye!”? Same though.

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    You expect me to balance on one leg for this? Boy, bye.

    Another new song! More moves that I can’t do! More making me question which side is left and right and making me feel unbalanced! Yay!

    6:10 p.m.: Another water break

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    Is this Beyonce ~again~? [insert lemon emoji]

    Last song. About time.

    Could this song be any longer? And there’s jumping again, too?

    6:25 p.m.: “Kiss It Better” by Rihanna comes on

    OMG I made it! Time for cool down!

    I’m not balanced enough to stretch like this. Standing on one foot? Warrior pose? I didn’t sign up for a yoga class…

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    6:28 p.m.: Class ends

    I’m so tired, and I still have so much studying to do when I get back to my dorm. And I haven’t even eaten dinner? This sucks.

    8 p.m.: Reading a book for “Introduction to Native American History”

    You know, I kind of can’t wait till I get to go back to WERQ next week...

    And there you have it – just another day’s WERQ for me. If we’re being honest, I have no idea why I keep going back. I mean, the class does get me to actually exercise, and I guess it’s fun, but I’m also super tired afterward and I end up losing an hour of time that I could spend doing 10 other things.

    But anyway, this week’s class is starting at SPAC soon, so I better be going – and you should go too. Just don’t say hi to me or make fun of my lack of coordination, because you’ll be seeing the most awkward version of me in existence.


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